Edit: FOLLOW BEAR. COMMENT. LOVE HEEEEEER. http://heartofpandora.com/

Okay, well don’t scare her. :P I miss her like crazy. She’s like that sister that lives way too far away and you wish you could hang out with.

Blogging on the iPod Touch takes fracking forever.

And most definitely not in that way, perv.

I’m writing this from my birthday gift, so it’s taking forever. Wanna guess what I got?

I got myself a 32gb iPod Touch. Aren’t I just Miss Fancypants now?

But really, I love this thing.

Oh, what’s that? You want me to blog more? You miss my insane posting every single day? MOAR, YOU SAY?

Well, alrighty. As soon as I get back into the habit (AKA shove myself into) blogging daily, and commenting back to all you fine people… Wait, what? That didn’t make sense.

SOON, MY LOYAL SUBJECTS. SOON.

That made me laugh, because I pretend I’m popular and people give a crap about what I have to say. :3

Hi Tiny,

It’s me. You probably only remember me as that gigantic, loud thing that picked you up and poked you once in a while. But it’s me.

I wanted to tell you so many things earlier. But at the time, I was being mocked and had to make a decision I really hated. But I guess late is better than Never. Right?

You and your brothers and sisters were born early in the morning of February 16th 2010. It was surprising, because Rachel found your mom and your siblings before I did. You were all in front of the dryer out in the yard.

I pulled your mom away, and put her and the others in a big ol’ box. A box, you probably only remember the smell of the cardboard. And the feel of the baby blue towel you slept on. I didn’t see you at first, because you were stuck in between the two machines. I was horrified, and very gently pulled you away.

You were covered in goop and blood- That should’ve been the first sign. But I ignored it, and did my best. No, that’s not true. I did what I thought was my best. I gently cleaned you up, very gingerly dabbed you with a hand towel and you were nice and dry.

That first night, I thought you weren’t going to make it. I honestly didn’t. You were just so skinny, Tiny. So skinny and weak, you couldn’t latch onto your mom’s nipples. But I left it up to God, and your mom, and hoped for the best.

I was pleasantly surprised the next morning, you’re alive! You’re doing so well, you’re mewing with your siblings and drinking from your mother. But you were still pretty skinny, Tiny. The others weren’t so thin. But, you were still like a little miracle. You remind me so much of myself, Tiny. Fragile, skinny at birth, but strong willed. I had no doubt in my mind that after the second or third day, you’d laugh in the face of danger and triumph! Just like I did. It made me so very proud.

I came home today from some shopping, and went to check up you guys. But you weren’t moving. Your brothers and sisters were playing, and you just laid there. And it hit me.

You didn’t make it, Tiny. And I’m sorry.

You don’t know how shocking and painful it was to hold you in my hand, you didn’t move at all.

I wanted to bury you. I wanted to just mentally say a word or two and bury you. But he laughed. And he laughed. And he made me drop you into a plastic bag and toss you out into the garbage like you weren’t worth anything. All I kept thinking was how sorry I am. How much disrespect I just caused by throwing you away like you were old bread.

I kept thinking “My God, would they have just done the same with me? If I couldn’t fight?”. The realization that you and I were so similar struck me when I held you that last second before gently placing you in a cardboard box, carefully, making sure no one would crush you with their trash.

I’m so sorry, Tiny. You don’t know how sorry I am. I sincerely hope there’s somewhere wonderful where newborns like you go. Because to think that there’s absolutely nothing waiting for you, after living for so little time…

You would’ve been the one I would have begged to keep. You would’ve been the one I fought for. Your death shook me straight to the core, and tore my heart. I want you to know that you were loved, and you will be missed.

I’m just so sorry to see you go. I know you fought your hardest. It’s okay, you had to let go. I’m sure your mom understood. I understand, too.

I am not a petty person. I don’t get angry, or insulted easily. It takes me a few pokes and prods before I blow up in your face, if at all.

With that said, let’s take a look at the “Amazing” free web host, 000webhost.

I’ve been looking for a free host to get my domain up, after leaving the poor Jackie behind. (she is a wonderful subdomain hostess!) Truth be told, I’m spoiled by cPanel. I really wanted cPanel for the domain, and I wanted decent space and bandwidth.

Keep in mind that I wanted all this for free.

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